A soft perspective...

When I'm in my head, trying to decide what I should take pictures of I can never think of anything. But with camera in hand, not over thinking, just letting the ideas come to me instead of me searching so hard for them they come without fail.

Self Perspective

Let me preface this with saying how difficult it is to post pictures of myself like this. I'm doing it though b/c I think it's important for me to step out of my comfort zone and be brave, especially when I'm trying to grow in so many ways...

I had somewhat of a flashback this morning. Long story short, I was out running and a guy (grown man) made fun of me and laughed at me while I was running. I spent my childhood being laughed at and teased for my weight, it shaped who I am, but I really don't feel like I did back then. I thought I was over it. I tried to just get angry, but before I knew it I was back there in that place of shame and feeling every bit of pain that I did when I was younger. I had a good cry (ok, a couple good cries) and realized that I'm not that person anymore.

I'm not going to believe you when you tell me I'm fat or ugly or whatever judgment you think you have about me. I KNOW who I am, I'm beautiful inside and out, and I thought that it would be some great self therapy to shoot myself today and find that beauty that I know I have. It was good for me and I needed to see myself for what I am now and who I am now. I liked both these shots. I can see beauty and flaw in myself and really just love who I am. I don't need to be perfect, I am who I am and I'm working my ass off every day to be even better. I guess all those classes for my psychology degree gave me a boost today...there's nothing like some self perspective thrown in with self therapy! ;o)

A lovely perspective...

Once again I found myself uninspired today without MY camera. I wandered around the house, my yard, even ventured over to the neighbor's yard. In my mind I was writing a post explaining that I just couldn't do this with a point and shoot. But I found myself drawn back to the house. First I took some shots of the small wooden lawn furniture the kids have outgrown. I didn't really like them but I did notice that the sun was setting and that I like the pink-white light bouncing off the white wood. Then the the wooden planter in my garden caught my eye. Just when I'm about to give up on finding a shot, one finds me.

Mulan

Today we had Disney movie day, so my picture was pretty easy thanks to Hope. She got all kinds of fun stuff for our movie day and they made for a great picture. I'm going to ramble a bit here b/c this is what I do... I'm having a little internal struggle with my photography. I FEEL like a photographer. I have no interesting in being a "professional" photographer. I don't want to charge people, so therefor I'll never be a professional. Does this mean I can't get as good of a photo? I don't think so. Does this mean that I don't know what I'm doing? No. It means that I LOVE photography, it means I love it just for what it is. I don't have to call myself a professional, I don't have to charge, I just have to love it for what it is. I could whip up a website and start charging people and this would magically make me a pro. It's not what I want, isn't that ok? I want to take the best pictures that I can take and I don't care if you think I'm professional or not. Does this make any sense? Probably not, but I needed to get that out. I'm spending a YEAR taking pictures every day in manual mode, reading and learning all I can b/c I LOVE photography. I love my camera. I don't need to be a pro to be validated, I can take a great shot without the label.

Karen plays photographer

Well THAT was a learning experience! Savannah & Leslee agreed to play models for me this afternoon and let me play around with getting some different shots. First off, I had this image in my head of them wearing bright eyeshadow looking really artsy and quickly realized that not only can I not put makeup on, but it would have been better with paint, not eye makeup and women, not girls. We washed most of the makeup off and they put on what they felt comfy in. I used a sheet and clearly had the wrong lens b/c you can tell it was a sheet and my bokeh wasn't what I wanted. There were issues with the edge of the sheet showing, the girls completely not wanting to do what I wanted, and bees flying all around us! LOL! Still, it turns out that Leslee wants to be America's Next Top Model b/c she sat long after Savannah was done and let me take shot after shot. I supposed I should have gotten a better shot then if I had such a willing participant, but it was my first shoot and I'm not going to be so hard on myself.

Bird's eye view...

One of my favorite things about spring is the return of the birds. I am lucky enough to have birds fill my lawn. At times the yellow of the goldfinches descending is so thick it looks like leaves fluttering to the lawn. I also have robins, wrens, bluebirds and some that I don't know their names. Soon the whippoorwill's will begin their song at dusk and the hummingbirds will zip, zoom, and dive. Today we set up the bird bath and we anxiously await more springtime visitors.

Yard sale yellow

I was so un-inspired today, it's a good thing I pulled out the camera at 7am right as we were getting ready for our yard sale b/c I didn't pick up the camera at all the rest of the day. I'm feeling like I need to try something new, but I'm not sure what? Portraits? I need variety. I can get a great shot of just about any inanimate object with lovely bokeh, but I want more! I need a model. Who wants to volunteer? ;o)

Hosta la vista winter!

Okay, I know puns are corny but I just couldn't resist, lol. I was so happy when I noticed my hostas growing taller that I had to get shot. At first I wasn't too inspired to take pics with the point and shoot but once I got out there I was pleased with some of the shots. Maybe the next few weeks won't be so bad.

Yellow spring...

I didn't have much opportunity to take pictures today. I had planned to use my old point and shoot that I passed along to Kya but when we couldn't find the USB cord I essentially gave up. I went about my day thinking that I wouldn't be taking pictures for a few weeks and the most amazing things unfolded, some photography related, some not.

First of all I realized that I see photo opportunities everywhere now. The sky, flowering trees, cars, stoplights, food, children playing, the list goes on and on. Several times today I would see something and wish I had a camera to capture it. This is strange and exhilarating because I'd begun to complain that I've already run out of things to shoot and was feeling uninspired. Yet here I am, one day without my camera and all I feel is frustrated because there were so many inspiring things I missed.

Second of all I made time for other passions that I've been ignoring. I am a writer. Not in the sense that I make a living by selling words to other people but in the sense that writing is how I make sense of the world. I write to shape and articulate ideas. I write to share information and insights. I write because when I do I feel more centered and grounded. Lately I've haven't been taking the time to write and didn't even realize that this is why I haven't been quite myself lately. So, this afternoon Jace was invited to a birthday party. It was to last about 3 hours and I didn't want to drive the 30 minutes home just to turn around and drive 30 minutes back. If I'd had my camera I would have gone to a park and taken pictures for at least some of that time. But I didn't have a camera so I spent 3 hours at Panera writing. I did a blog post for my unschooling blog that I basically abandoned 6 months ago. I also wrote a personal essay that helped me organize some thoughts around some things I've been contemplating lately. I sat there sipping my chai tea and I wrote. It was heavenly. (Obviously, since now I'm rambling on my photography blog, lol.)

After all of that writing I thought perhaps it was going to be good for me to be without my camera for a few weeks. But then on the way home I saw the most brilliant night sky- midnight blue with just a hint of purples, reds, oranges, and yellows. There was a single star and all I wanted was a camera to capture it. I called my mom, asked to borrow her point and shoot and stopped by to get it before I went home. I didn't have time for much because it was late when I got home and I still wanted to spend time with my family. I also see that mom's camera has some fun settings I might be able to play with so I'll try more tomorrow. But for today, simply spring.

Not yellow

Nope, it's not. I was so crazybusy today and as I went through my day, occasionally a yellow-idea would pop into my head but none of them really spoke to me. As I was driving home, I saw these trees and I wanted to shoot them. I decided that I should follow what calls to me instead of forcing myself to shoot only one thing. It's great if it helps me to become more creative, but not so great when I avoid shots b/c they don't fit the mold. Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be back to yellow...or not! ;o)

Ahh, sweet yellow...

Karen saved the day!! My camera is spending the next few weeks with the good people of Canon. But Karen took pity on me and let me take pictures with her camera at playgroup today. I know how protective we both are of our cameras so I'm VERY appreciative that she shared. She even left it with me when she had to go run an errand!!

I have to say that picking up someone else's camera was odd. Everything was different: metering, changing focal points, the weight and feel of the camera, even how it felt when I pressed the shutter. I still managed to get a few shots that Karen was then nice enough to email to me so I could choose a shot of the day. I had a few that I liked but I liked this one best 'as is'. I don't mind post-processing but for the purposes of this blog I'm trying to see what I can do straight from the camera. The other shots Karen emailed me I ended up cropping because she has a fixed 35mm lens that I'm not used to. I'm accustomed to my zoom lens so I just didn't get the shots framed up as well with the fixed lens. But this one I liked as is, no cropping. :-)

I'm pretty bummed about my camera but trying to think positively. I'll use my cheap little point and shoot and just work on composition for this project until I get it back.

A golden throne

My shot today is from the skating rink. I didn't take a ton of shots today, I was having camera remorse for Hope and let her use my camera as well since she didn't have hers. I think she got a better shot than me even...with my own camera! LOL.

Yellow weeds

Today ended up being such a nice day after the rain moved out and was replaced by sunshine! Good friends, good food, and an afternoon outside made my day beautiful. I never quite understood what determines a weed or a flower. Dandelions can be pretty too! (and their leaves are quite good in salad as well!)

Hanging yellow...

I'm throwing this out as my shot of the day because I'm having serious camera issues. I managed to take 20 pictures before it started having problems and now it's just not working at all. I'm trying not to panic and since there is nothing more I can do today I'm going to post my picture and try to think about something else for a while.

I took this shot to try to set up a shot of the kids standing on the deck of their playhouse. I thought if I framed up the shot at different angles first and figured out what I liked best then the kids wouldn't have to stand in for as long and might be more willing to cooperate. Ah well, I'll try that method when my cameras is working again.

I don't know when I'll be able to post again. I may try to keep going with the point and shoot and just work on composition. *Sigh*

Yellow book road...

I've been using a yellow highlighter for a long time. I have them stashed so I can always grab one if I need to. There's one next to the nightstand, another in my purse, several in the kitchen, and if you look you'll probably find one or two in the couch cushions. If I'm in a pinch I'll use another color but I prefer the bright yellow, unmistakeably declaring, "This is important, pay attention!". The books that get the 'highlighter treatment' are the ones from which I most want to learn. The ones that help enlighten me. My path to the Emerald City,out of a black and white existence into one of glorious color, isn't paved with yellow bricks, it's paved with yellow books.

Dirty yellow

Today Savannah & I went on a walk, determined to find unique yellow things. I can take a picture of yellow flowers, but I want to push myself to find some different angles and composition. I picked this because REY picked it as his favorite. He's home for a rare visit and loved this shot, so it's my shot of the day. He said it reminded him of Mexico.

The golden egg...

Some days the perfect shot seems as elusive as the golden goose.

and MORE eggs...

Today Hope & I had our Disney "movie day" without the movie. We decided to just do an egg hunt with the girls instead since yesterday was Easter. We spent most of the time talking photography instead of taking pictures! Looking forward to challenging myself with our word of the week starting tomorrow! YELLOW.

Pleasure in flight...

Happy Easter